Grief is coming out of me now. Maybe it is the energy healing I had that is speeding it all up. It’s there in the morning when I first wake up. Like a newbie non-smoker adjusting to life without their drug. Waves of it broadside me, but annoyingly only briefly. I can’t hold onto it because it doesn’t feel real after that first rush. It’s like grief constipation. There is more in there but I can’t get it out. What is present all the time is a feeling of being squashed and flat. Like carrying a slab of concrete on my back.
I want to write things that are funnier and happier but I can’t right now. I joke with my mates in conversation, but here I struggle. All I can say is if this if I am writing my own story, sod the shitty English ending. I want the Hollywood one now. I want whatever weird and marvellous journey I am on to deliver me into the arms of enlightenment and whilst I am at it Prince Charming would be nice too. I want to be blissfully loved up with someone who is right for me. And preferably straight, single and available too. That would be helpful.