Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Master The Art Of Giving And Receiving

I have been trying to write this following blog post for ages. I had a tremendous block on it and eventually realised that this means it is probably the one post I must write and write candidly.

Continuing The 7 Holy Tenets of Success series

3. Master The Art Of Giving And Receiving:

Rocky said to me, ‘Here’s a quote for you: You haven’t truly lived until you have done something for someone that they can never repay.’

‘I think I have done something like that,’ I said without looking up, as we sat next to each other, fingers clattering over our respective laptops.

‘We can always give more,’ Rocky said. ‘I can always give more.’

I paused then because whilst I was inspired by what he said I was more intrigued by my mind’s automatic response. It was very telling of society’s programming.

‘I haven’t done enough yet then’ it quietly, but quickly sparked up. And within seconds afterwards a soft feeling ran through me like wispy black smoke that asked ‘Does this mean I am not good enough yet either?’ And oh how I hate to admit that my mind said that. After all these years of work to the contrary. I have bared my soul in this blog, but that single remark made me feel more emotionally naked than any other.

The fact remains that many of society’s bodies teach us that it is better to give than receive and social approval and social acceptance is related to how much we give.


I am one of life’s givers. I would give and give until I created nothing but a vacuum inside that promptly would then fill with illness and problems. I never asked for anything back because, well you don’t give to receive do you. That is what we are told. Tony Robbins says one of his secrets of success is to give more than you expect to receive. Fabulous, dandy, excellent Tony. I have been doing this for years, but I can line up people that have been giving tirelessly, working in charities and a lot of them are miserable, broke and often chronically sick to boot.

This only works if you know you are worth receiving too
and open yourself up to receive.
To block receiving is to block the cyclical flow of life and create dis-ease

The consequence of social programming is that many people go through life never knowing they are worth it. Women in particular are prone to almost silent self sacrificing and if you are part of a minority group (as I experienced when I was disabled) you get a double whammy because society treats you differently. Beliefs like this are seemingly so strong that they seem to have half lives rather than die.

This area of mastery is one of the true fundamental differences between those that make their dreams happen and those that don’t. Successful people know they are worth it and are happy and ready and willing to receive all of life’s blessings as much as they give out.

Knowing your true worth seems to be the keys to the gates of heaven. Worth is something you feel rather than think and express logically in the mind. We can all know logically we are worth it. We are told Jesus/God/Allah/The Universe loves us. We know we worked really hard this week and thus deserve compensation. And of course our mums love us too, but in all truth we also all know people who struggle to accept something as simple as a just a compliment.

If we can’t even receive compliments, which are simple reflections of our daily gifts, how can we ever receive money that is the shadow of all we believe we are worth?

The first consequence of not believing we are worth it is that our dreams become dull and/or small and our clarity is lost. We cannot see, smell, feel and hear what we want anymore so just walk around in dark forests, headbutting trees. The second consequence is that we forget we have choices at all. We no longer know what we want, only what we want to avoid. As one friend who has depression said to me recently he just doesn’t know what will make him happy anymore. He only knows how to nullify the pain.

The number one reason most people don't get what they want is
they don’t KNOW what they want!
-- T. Harv Eker

Over time we stop trusting ourselves completely and begin to believe others more than we believe ourselves. I know this experience only too well. I resisted my diagnosis of M.E. in the same way a dog resists a bath. I could accept I was sick, but I was not going to be sick for years, regardless of what the doctors told me. I was going back to university and was going to be fine. For over 14 months I held this light in my mind, but it was like a dying candle in a dark room. The flame was my dream, the wax was my self worth and as that worth burned down so did my dream. I woke one day and realised I couldn’t ‘see’ myself in my head anymore. Try as I might I couldn’t see myself as healthy Jayne in my head. I could only see Jayne in the wheelchair, both now and in the future. My new programming was complete and my new identity started there. People said this acceptance was good. But this wasn’t acceptance. Acceptance implies positive choice. This was a quiet mental defeat under an oppressive weight and it created a massive state of physical and mental inertia and I consequently spent over a decade sick.

If I knew how to tell you how you could fully know your worth and then receive it, the fact is I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog. My personal journey would be over and I would be sharing my lessons and fun times with you all. My books would be out, my seminars would be released across the world, my charity would global and we would be having whopping big dance parties everywhere in celebration. Probably on a beach or two.

I can only share what I do know to be true. I know that not knowing your worth is the dis-ease of the modern age and is a spiralling sickness. And I know that if you don’t actively seek to accept you are worth it and thus engage in creating your future it is created for you by default.

Believe in magic. Live in magic

(Jayne Thorpe)

I know self worth is a seed. You plant it by making an agreement with your will to grow it regardless of whatever weather comes your way. You nurture it by the good reflective light of others. And you water it too.

In my opinion, he said, after a while,

the only medicine that cures invisibility

among the powerful is tears

(Now is the Time to Open Your Heart, Alice Walker, p158)

Tears of love, gratitude, healing and inspiration are good tears.

Let go, let flow

No comments:

Post a Comment